An Explanation

You know... I have completely explained myself in previous posts. I've explained that I've NEVER BEEN HAPPIER than when I sailed away in my sailboat. That is a powerful statement, don't you think? Why should anyone deny me that life? I've never been a better person than then. For the first time in my life, I was succeeding. I've tried to explain the beauty of that life, short as it was, and I've tried to explain how horrified I was to be "sucked back into" my old life. (It's more complicated than that, but I won't go into details.)

I never should have looked back.... I should have kept going, sailing south, nursing my broken sailboat to the Keys, and sold my art to the tourists... as was my plan.

But my plan had had so many difficulties... Man... And one of the main ones was that I was under the impression that I wouldn't be allowed to sell my art in Key West at the place I'd intended to do so, at the daily art festival in Mallory Square. Difficulties...

I had a weak moment, and the next thing I knew I was in Orlando, a landlubber again.

And then, LAST WEEK happened to me. Back here in Orlando, languishing with little work and little pay at the height of the tourist season, the IRS came after me. They levied my pay, and without a little help from my sister Diane, and a small pay advance from my friend Barbie, I'd be living on the street right now. Or in my van, specifically. ...In the end, the IRS backed-off, and all is well for the moment. But the whole episode gave me pause. At one point last week, as I was driving home from one of the IRS meetings, my van blew-out another tire... right there on Interstate 4 in downtown Orlando during evening rush hour. Wow. I sat there in my van, knowing I didn't have a spare tire, and I thought, "Something must change. This life isn't working."

The kicker is, since I've been back to Orlando and rejoined the legions of caricature artists in this town, I have found myself virtually unable to do any serious art. I've been working on one particular oil portrait for FIVE MONTHS, messing with it here and there, but too distracted by this city life to really "get into it." Back on the boat, art was my total life.

Let me say that again. Back on the boat, art was my total life. That is, unless I was sailing. Man, what a life. Hard, to be sure, but I've never been better at anything than I was at that life, in a sense, in my mind, and that's what counts. I had no TV, no computer, but I was active and getting resourceful and independent, and I was getting quite thin and tanned and strong, and I spent my hours reading and painting and watching the dolphins, and planning the next voyage. ...Then I made a bad decision and ended-up stuck up a Tampa Bay canal for the winter, unable to make money, not in the Keys, hating myself... And I limped back to Orlando in February, relieved at first, but quickly falling into the dissatisfaction and distraction I remembered.

And now, back in Orlando, I've nearly completed my return to chubbiness, pale skin and weak knees, so to speak.

And so... After last week, as I reviewed everything, I contacted again the folks down in Key West, and I learned that while caricature artists are not accepted at their daily art festival (too many apply already), other artists are encouraged to come and sell their work. I had totally misunderstood the deal last year.

So... Enough is enough. My best life awaits me. Next week is my last week in Orlando.

...And that is my attempt at an explanation.

Another AK Day

Finished that one from last night, just for fun:


Cute kid:


Missed the guy's head shape. I blame the blinding glare I suffer with there. LOL.

Still Some Disney Money to be Made...

OK, so next week is my last week, and I'm hoping to make some money. Yesterday (Sunday) was a good start, working a double and grossing nearly a thousand bucks, of which I get about $300. And tonight I had an easy shift at a hotel, and I just relaxed, feeling happy, feeling confident and content in my decisions. Haven't felt that way in a LONG time.

Here's something funny I was working on tonight, sitting at the stand... I'd seen a lady who looked mean and sad simultaneously, and I tried to remember her and draw her, but I ended-up drawing a lady who looks Indian to me. Interesting. Will finish and post.

And here's just a simple caricature, but it seemed to pop to me, to feel right, to be exaggerated just so slightly and perfectly, so I snapped a pic. It was a good likeness.

It's Official, I'm Headed to The Keys

I've had a crazy, stressful week, the worst week of my life almost, but I fought back, and the week is ending with terrific news. I have an opportunity in The Keys which is the stuff of my dreams. Will elaborate later.

Jackson caricature, 4B pencil

Not really finished yet, and I made some irreversible mistakes, but it has some good qualities, I think.

Durkin Caricature

I'm really enjoying learning to use graphite. Seems like I would've learned it before, but my art education has been anything but normal. Really, however, what I've actually been learning lately is how light falls across forms, and is defined by shadows. Graphite, or anything else, is just a medium to an end. ...Fun! ...I think I've drawn Kenny (Durkin) from his photo in Keelan's book about 20 times now, over the last five years. LOL

Selling the Mutineer

So I'm selling the 15-foot sailing dinghy that I just bought a few weeks ago. The price is $600, which is the same price I paid for it. If anyone is interested, let me know. It's on Craigslist, as well. It's Chrysler Mutineer 15, with an almost-new trailer. The boat needs a little TLC, but not much. ....With the money, I am buying a little time in Orlando. Hopefully, things will pick-up for me here, financially.

Cannot Afford Orlando...

...Well, it's boiling down to this: I cannot make enough money to afford to stay in Orlando. ...

It's funny, because it's a surprise. I've been so concentrated on my art and my ever-changing tangle of thoughts, that the fact that I'm BROKE week-in and week-out, and the implications of this, has eluded me in a practical sense... in a sense. I mean, I have varying motivations which sometimes tug at me forcefully, and I express my fantasies outright, like sailing around the world in a dinghy or whatever, but when it comes down to not getting enough work, and realizing that the busy season is almost over, man, I wonder, how did this happen? It's hitting me all-of-a-sudden, in a way. I've thought about it a bit, but not on a practical level. And here's the practical level: my check tomorrow will be for $260 for a week's work during the height of the tourist season. After I pay $180 for rent, that leaves me 80 bucks for EVERYTHING else, gas, food, supplies, etc. That's the practical level.

...You know, when I paid 600 bucks for that dinghy a few weeks ago, it seemed all was fine. I was still confused by so many things (and still am, not the least of which is my own fickle soul) but money and whatnot seemed fine. But that has faded. I live by myself in a more expensive place now, and I still do not have a full-time schedule with the company through which I contract. I know they are doing their best to satisfy everyone, so I don't blame anyone but myself, really. Somehow I am not "fitting in"in Orlando anymore, not making money, surviving week to week, and I've lost the respect of some very nice people, I think. Ahh... I suck.

...Oh, well... Let's see. The practical level. Let's think about this. The busy season will end in a few weeks, and, in fact, the park hours start trending downward in two weeks from now. That's the secret signal, in my estimation... fewer guests, less money. ...Hmm... And if I'm going to live this life of an artist in Orlando, I wish to have an apartment of my own, alone. Hmm, let's think. I could get married, but that would mean I'd need to find a girlfriend first, and, man, that is HARD to do for me, so... LOL. (Of course, if I can't take care of myself NOW, how would I expect to start marriage and a family. Practical stuff here.) I have $123 in cash in my pocket, and about thirty bucks in the bank... and I owe the IRS $10,000, or so they say. (It's MY money I work for, so why do they think it's THEIRS? Bizaare.) That's the practical level.

...THE BIG DAY:

...OK... So I'm thinking about this, all of this, and how lonely I feel in Orlando, even with "loose friendships" of a sort, and so, then, on Thursday I drive down to Apollo Beach for THE BIG DAY. The BIG DAY is the day I planned to clean-out the remaining mess of my stuff from Wind Song, my Islander 24 sailboat at dock down there, and sign over the title to my friend Radar.
So I get down there, and clean-out the boat. It takes hours. And, you know what happened: my heart was broken. Here was the only home I'd owned since leaving home when I was 18. And here I was abandoning it. ...Yet, I continued to clean. But I didn't finish before dark, so I decided to stay on the boat for the night. The next morning, I worked another 4 hours or so, hauling EVERYTHING out of the Islander and up to my van. (My van is now FULL of all that junk.) Whew! A good workout. (I will NEVER put that much stuff in a sailboat again!) And I indeed did get it all out.
....So the BIG DAY turned into TWO BIG DAYS, and somewhere in the middle of it, I told my friend Radar, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I have the ability to give you this boat yet." And he said, "Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen. No problem."
....So I still have the boat. I've had her for two years nearly, and lived in her for most of one year. She tugs at my heart. She saved me from certain death last year when we got caught in a gale. I've neglected her, and yet there she sits at the dock, eager still for me to join her. She tells me, "Come on, Tim, let's go. The world awaits us." Ah, ah, well, well... What to do?

...

So I sit here alone in my apartment again, back in Orlando, counting my meager funds and hopeless situation. One more bad week and I won't be able to stay in the apartment. It almost happened THIS week, in fact. I could sleep in the van again, but a closed van in July in Orlando is an impossible-to-sleep thing. I would be forced to go sleep on the boat in Apollo Beach, but that is too far to commute. I still have that dinghy I bought a few weeks ago, so I suppose I'll sell it. But that's a stopgap (assuming I CAN sell it). Without a fulltime contracting gig, I can't stay here in Orlando, and am NOT working fulltime lately. Of course, as the season ends...
So, what to do, what to do...? Hmm... I may be coming to a decision very soon...or being forced to do so.

Numb

I know, I know, this is just a silly video about a teenage girl, yet somehow it has always had a strong effect on me. The theme of being an artist (or simply being a human) who doesn't connect with ANYONE is powerful in the context of my personal history, and I find the Linkin Park music compelling.

Linkin Park- Numb

Bad Caricature

I went crazy on Sarah a couple of weeks ago, but, you know, while this is a crazy and creative caricature that some people said they really like, and I kinda like, it is, really, a bad caricature. It's bad because I did not exaggerate Sarah's big beautiful grin, but I exaggerated an IDEA of a big crazy grin, like an animal's growl or something. While it may be kinda cool, it has nothing to do with Sarah. Bad caricature. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.)

Mr. P

Sketch I did today while sitting at Wilderness Lodge.

Pastel Again

First pastel work since last year. Hard. A young Drew Barrymore from a bad reference photo. She has some crazy asymmetry going on. I think I was able to capture a lot of what I remember about her back then, but the photo I was using online sucked, all washed-out. I did my best to guess at the subtle shadows and features, but I don't think I quite got her.

Sketching to get customers...

( A little more finished):



(Early stage):




(Small photos make for big mistakes):



Just sitting around at a caricature stand is no fun, so I recently decided to do graphite portraits of the faces in Keelan's book. People see me working on the "pencil portrait" in my lap, and say "Ah, that's beautiful, and for only twenty bucks?" And I say, "Well, no, actually, this is a portrait sketch, which is somewhat different from the cartoon sketches we do here, like this..." ...and I show 'em a caricature I've done. This usually gets business going. The problem is, I worry that someone might say, "Hey, you're trying to trick me!" But all I've gotten so far is positive result, although people will sometimes say, "But could you PLEASE draw my kids like that, in a real portrait?" I just tell 'em that it's not allowed, but also that it would take most of an hour, and that I'd have to charge $75 or more, even if it was allowed, and then I explain that, no, I can't give them my phone number or email or anything, by contract. Which sucks, of course, since I see SOOO many people everyday. But I think that's standard practice. ... Anyway, everyone seems happy. I give 'em CC's business card and write my name on back, if they persist.

The photo here is a recent example. About a half-hour of work, so it's a bit rough looking, and has errors, but, boy, the other day, people were really stopping in their tracks to see me work on it in my lap. I mean, the thing is, this sort of sketching is REALLY slow. I'm just going scratch-scratch-scratch with the pencil lead, slowly working-up toward the right values. But that's the point. Slowly observe, scratch-scratch-scratch, build-up the values, learn-learn-learn. It's an inefficient process if you want to make any kind of decent money doing portraits, I would think. Although I suppose I need the money. If anyone DOES want one of these, just let me know. 75 bucks.

....The main thing is, this is simply good practice.

Today at Animal Kingdom

Without a doubt, today was the hottest day EVER at AK for me. I don't know the actual temperature, but the rare breeze was HOT in my face. And being the gentleman I am (no snickering!) I let the two FEMALES with me use the only two fans we had. Whew! I sweated. ...I think all the guests went back to their hotel rooms, to the AC. We were VERY slow. So we got to draw each other and produce some FINE ART! (So to speak, lol..)...

I call this "SARAH LOVES HER NOSE":


And here's a sighting of the rare Monkey Boy:


Next, we have what I call (using a French accent)"Peachy and Sarah at the Beach" :


And, finally, Keelan meets his match:

Animal Kingdom

Getting my mojo back, a little... That is, getting some confidence back... Today at Animal Kingdom:

Dennis and a friend of mine:



...And I learned a trick today. If you're an artist who is shy (like me), you can just say, "Hey, let me take a quick photo of this drawing," and then take the pic, but furtively include the model as well... :







And then a typical mermaid:

The bad thing is, this was a great likeness. Wish I'd gotten a pic of the model.

Some Art, Finally

Some caricatures from today, live at Disney. I put away my pencil and did these with marker only, trying to increase my speed:

A "Bikini Babe," cute but a bad likeness, and some bad proportions (and she HAD to have her dog in it, lol):


A Face Only, not too bad a likeness, and she wanted to be making a "peace" sign:


Three sisters. The father said to not write their names, and he really loved the result.




And then one just for fun, from yesterday. I saw a forlorn fellow, harried among the chaos of All-Star Sports Resort's crowds of children and weeping..., so I drew him from memory, imagining his plight:

Surprise Surprise

As Jim Nabors said... lol... Hey, so, I decided to go ahead and get a normal place for myself, ...well, kinda... But at least I have Internet access... So I guess I'll still keep bludgeoning the cosmos with this blog... Whatever...

Bye Bye

Moving-out today. No more Internet. So I don't know when I'll post again. Don't have anyplace to stay, so I'll just do the Motel 6 World Tour. (My own invention!) Or, actually, the Motel 6 Orlando/Kissimmee Tour, lol... Hopefully I can get the boat going soon, and be able to camp/cruise on it sometimes, and save money. ...See ya!

Heat Exhaustion

Wow, summer is here, and, of course, I jumped right into this past week, working on my boat a couple of days, and helping Mike move, and moving myself... So it's not surprising I got some heat exhaustion symptoms.
Here's an excellent Weather Channel video on how summer heating affects your car. Interesting:

http://www.weather.com/multimedia/videoplayer.html?from=email&bcpid=823425597&bclid=877032950&bctid=26135969001

Inspirations... We Be Madmen

I'm beginning to think that I'm at a stage in my life in which I'm finally trying to define myself, and I'm enjoying it. "Hey Tim, you draw too slow and detailed!" Yes, I draw slowly and with detail. "Hey Tim, you're not really the 'life of the party,' are you!" No, I'm not the life of the party. "Hey Tim, loosen up or something, stop thinking so much, and quit making such bizarre life decisions." Sorry, but I have always been analytical and strange, and have moved my soul and body according to a distant siren's call. ...There is a siren calling me, I think, far away, shrouded in mist, but I hear her voice, her faint, beautiful call.

And I find like-minded souls.

(Go to www.AtomVoyages.com for more detail. The below notes are from that site.)

Alberto Torroba:





"In 1990, Alberto Torroba sailed alone across the Pacific from Panama to the Philippines. That’s remarkable enough. However, what made his voyage truly amazing is that his boat was a 15-foot open dugout canoe made from a single tree. Two years later, on a beach in a remote island of the Philippines, he built a catamaran from plywood and bamboo, married a local girl from the island, and continued his voyage to China.

"The tall, longhaired Alberto is one of the truly free spirits in this world. He is not one to follow trends or take advice. He had spent his early years working on his family’s sprawling ranch in Argentina. In his early 20’s, he turned his back on ranching to explore the world in small boats. Over a period of several years he nearly circumnavigated South America in a variety of open-decked sail-powered fishing boats and became highly skilled in handling the vulnerable little vessels in all types of seas. He went on to cross the South Pacific in a 24-foot engineless sloop, and later to round New Guinea in a 19-foot outrigger canoe. "

*******************

I've mentioned Alberto before, a couple years ago, but now I realize how similar he is to me, or at least it seems to me. He has been doing things I CRAVE to do, things I've done partially, and am now actively planning. The point is, I see that my strange inclinations have precedents. We madmen are rather rare, but we run into each other every once in a while.