Better Lighting

Yeah, there's better lighting on this shot, and this angle really shows the weakness of the hair sculpt.

Adding Hair

The hair really is way off, but it's nice to see our Anime girl start to come together...

Initial placement of head

Trying to rough-out the head and face in my sweltering pick-up camper (85 degrees outside) is almost impossible with my oil clay turning to mush...  But I'm slowly getting it done.

sculpt

Well, I spent a couple of hours getting back into Blogger and putting up a nice post.  I published, verified it, and went elsewhere.  Shortly later, my post is GONE.  Anyway, I'm not writing all that again.  Dammit.  ....I'm trying to tr

Wine and Jalapeno

A better photo of the painting. My first foray into the genre of still life, technically speaking. 5"X7", oil on canvas board, from life. Not for sale.

Daily Paintings

I'm now attempting to do "a painting a day" (or close to that). Here are the first two, already sold or promised away. The "Wine and Jalapeno" is 5X7 inches, and the "Toy Elephant" is 6X8.
I'll put following paintings on eBay, starting at $99.
Unfortunately, this month, I have some obligations which will dramatically distract me from painting each day. I'll do as much as I can until my time is freer.

Mermaid Commission

click to enlarge:
I just posted these comments on Facebook, in regard to this painting:

"Inappropriate? I just did this commission over the weekend, per very specific requests by the client. I enjoyed bringing it to life, and concerned myself with color, shape, beauty, design, etc... But afterward, I realized that this was not simply a nude/fantasy study, it was a sexual tease. That lowers it from the classical tradition to something in the trailer park tradition, I suppose."

Anyway... It's acrylic on wood panel, 24" X 36"...

But, you know, as I do more and more paintings, I learn more and more, and I'm gaining confidence. But I have a serious problem: I'm making almost no money. Murals, portraits, signs, special little commissions... and of a high quality, it seems to me. Of course, I'm still LEARNING TO PAINT fundamentally, but I have the feeling that I'm HERE, I've made it! Woo-hoo! I can paint realistically! And... I'm freaking starving! Woo-hoo!

Honestly, today, I woke-up with no money AT ALL in my pocket or the bank, and little gas in the van. I drove to my studio (yes, I have a studio now) and finished the lettering on the mermaid sign. I then drove to the client's home. Not home. I so I drove back to my sailboat and parked. No breakfast, no lunch. Some tuna and rice on the boat, but I'm saving that for tonight so I'll have something in my stomach to help me sleep. I finally catch-up with the client in the afternoon. He loves it, but he wants it varnished. Cool. I drive by to the sailboat and park, because I'm nearly out of gas. I walk two miles to my studio and retrieve the varnish, and walk directly back to the sailboat, and varnish the painting. I then walk to the client's house, CARRYING the painting over my head. He loves it still, and says he'll pay me in a couple of weeks. I walk back to the sailboat, still broke, still hungry, and more and more disillusioned.

Anyway, later, I was given some food without even asking, which I devoured immediately.

Tonight, I have the very clear thought that I am finally a classical artist, and always will be, and that this is my life's intent... and that I'll never make a decent living doing it. I've never been a better artist, and I've never been so wretched.

Oil Portraits again

After a nasty rejection several months ago, I had more-or-less decided to take a break from portraits. I did NO art for 2 or 3 months, and made myself sick on a cheap diet of Ramen noodles and whatnot, basically insolvent financially. Then I got into murals a bit, but I'm not sure how much I enjoy murals, to be honest.

So...

Recently, a sculptor acquaintance of mine wanted a pastel portrait of his neighbor's newborn, a little girl, but instead of pastel, I chose oil. I delivered it yesterday, on Christmas Eve, and all were pleased. And I am pleased. I enjoyed the act of painting again in oils, in a portrait. It went well in most of its stages. About 20 hours perhaps.

I'm realizing how much I disdain pastel, and that rough scratch-scratch-scratch, and that pastel chalky "smoke" which rises and gets in my mouth and nostrils and lungs... I LOVE the smell and feel of oil, however.

Anyway... The canvas was 24 X 18 inches, but the portrait area inside the white border is about 11 X 8. The reference photo, you see, was cropped just like this, and was about an inch or two wide, so I just painted what I saw, which is a lot easier then trying to imagine how the head and body were completed. The photo had a white border and a pink field surrounding it.

Residential Mural, first wall

Acrylic on cement block. This is a south-facing wall, and even in November it is too hot to touch. Miserable working conditions, and the paint was drying almost instantly as I stroked it on... but the overall effect came out OK. "Decorative palm trees and foliage, and a little southwestern motif sun... or something. Nice customers.

BEFORE:



AFTER:

Boat Portrait

I took this photo before it was finished... Later I adjusted the clouds, and added more clouds, and whatnot, and then didn't get a photo of the finished piece. ...Not completely happy with this, but landscapes are new to me.
...Acrylic on wood panel, 36 X 24 inches. ...For a hundred bucks, I'll do another one... hint hint...

Convenience Store Murals...Continued

Each head is about four feet high. Acrylics again, of course. Owner wanted more girls eating sandwiches, and is happy with the result, apparently. (I actually went back a week later and made the sandwich much thicker and meatier, and I adjusted the teeth of the dark-skinned girl, slightly.)

Mural at Convenience Store

Acrylic on Latex... First time using acrylic for flesh tones...

I was nervous about this. I realize that there is no more difficult subject for a muralist than a human face and/or figure, and my acrylic experience is limited. But I knew that if I could wrap my head around people in acrylic, in a water-based paint, in a mural, large-scale, that I can paint anything in acrylic, in a water-based paint, in a mural, large-scale.

It was surprisingly easy, and I think it came-out quite nice. From the proper viewing distance, it looks almost to be a photo plastered onto the wall...almost.

Or maybe I'm wrong. ....There are lots of people saying WOW and whatnot, but I don't have any artist friends saying anything like that, so far. And artists are the ones who know.

...Oh well...

I never know. I painted a portrait last spring, got it rejected, and then I freaked-out and didn't do anything for 3 months. My very specific thought was, "If I am not an artist, I do not wish to live." It was a very specific, very powerful thought, and it chilled me. Am I not actually an artist? But rather a poor fellow with misconceptions?..., poor poor Tim, ha ha ha, so sad really, him thinking he's a real artist continuing the tradition.

Alas... I do not know. I've been a failure so long, it seems the appropriate designation. Just ask any of my previous employers. I love 'em all, but they were GLAD to see me go. Heartbreaking.

Again, I know, I'm reveling in delicious self-pity. But everything is such a mystery. Everything. Waking in the morn, scratching my eyes, "Is that really the beginning light of day?" or a memory of being home, being loved, a child, a Saturday, and my long-lost Mom rubbing my thin child shoulders, and telling me to sleep more if I wish....?

Losing all hope is freedom

"Losing all hope is freedom." ...This quote is from a fellow named Timo Noko in Finland. Here's his website:

http://koti.welho.com/tnoko/

This fellow has a dry wit and a strange perspective. He travels by kayak in places all over the world, alone, and spearfishes, cooks on open flames, and generally thumbs his nose at all convention.
He has several videos. It's worth watching one or two just to get a sense of someone this unusual.

I often think that simple kayak/canoe travel, and simple fishing, simple living, selling simple art, alone, and seeing the world... is the ideal scenario for myself. I did a lot of that sort of thing on the weekends back in Orlando, (canoe camping, that is...) traveling with eagerness to the east coast of Florida whenever I could, and camping, swimming, watching the stars at night, ...seeing...

And, these days, it seems as if I AM losing all hope, just like this Finnish fellow. All hope for a normal life. ....In recent months I've been told (by friends) that I'm a poor and even dangerous sailor, and that if I were lucky enough to get married and have kids, that I'd be a poor father; and I've had my artwork rejected; I've been rejected by business friends as well, basically; and, of course, a few women over the years have bluntly rejected me in startling fashion.

Losing all hope is freedom. That's an idea which seems delicious as I try to avoid eating in order to save money. Losing all hope is perhaps my best hope at this point. My youth is finished, and my careers are disasters. I just had another mural job get postponed, and spent my last dollar again.

Perhaps I've lost all hope already, all hope, that is, for the normal. Or perhaps all hope, flatly, is the best description. Just accept it and give up and go. Fascinating.

Living Hand to Mouth...What does that mean?

I found this answer on the 'Net:

' Hand to mouth is a phrase which is used to denote living with the help of bare essentials

. Living from hand to mouth means having absolutely meagre resources. What the phrase actually means is that, as soon as the resources are coming in, they are getting spent on basic necessities. To live from hand to mouth is to have a precarious existence. It literally means to intake or eat whatever one can lay their hands on. For example, "he was living hand to mouth after he was fired from his workplace". '

Anyway...

That's what the last few days have been like. Counting my change, looking for coins on the boat, running through the dwindling inventory of rice and noodles, and instantly taking and eating any food a friend or stranger gives me. (No, I'm not begging.) However, I do actually say things like, "If you have any FOOD you don't want...." Or, "You're SURE you must cancel that commission? Yesterday you said--"... whatever...

I guess it's an interesting experience that I'll always remember, especially later when I'm rich and famous. lol

Trying to have some fun today

Why so serious?

I don't know. Just broke, I guess. And hungry, a bit. Not too bad. Hard to get good food.

Graphite on regular ol' printing paper, 8 X 11 or whatever. ... Almost got him:

Sketches of the Day

Ball point pen stuff.

Sitting in the doc's office, waiting for a friend (to drive him home), and reading William Silvers' (of Disney fame) new book on acrylic painting... I got out the blue pen and doodled:

Reading V for Vendetta, and thought I'd practice on a few of the characters:


Not so good....My portrait sketching often looks like caricaturing, with too-big eyes, etc...:

Overall, blue ballpoint pen sketching is convenient and a good exercise. You can't erase.

Poem of the day

How Death Got His Start

I found
this lullaby in my head this morning
in those moments flashing
between sleeping stupor and awake:
Roses are red, blood is like red, red is red, my roommate is dead.

The police don't like me, I can tell, I told
their questions.
The sweetly cold wall on my face for a moment or two, my mouth
upon it;
it was new latex;
it tasted of ammonia, and at that moment
it occurred to me
that my mouth can be upon someone without kissing.

And I remember the horrible pain of the handcuffs, but later they sent me home.

But later that year when my cousin was dead, they left me in the cell.
And when my cellmate died They put me in a room alone.
But, my Goodness, I escaped. A huge riot! Many of us got out, many died, many had red blood.

Running in the woods I found a stream but could not drink.
Running in the woods I found an elk and killed it but could not weep.
No, that is ridiculous.
No, yes, it is dead.
And a poor woodpecker with red head, dead.

I desired screaming, I desired kisses, I desired.

I found a large highway and walked straight out into it,
and the wreckage began.
...There were people in the upside-down car, moaning.
I crawled in and put my kiss on each.

New Mural Website

Yeah, so I'm trying to get my mural career going again, so I started this:

www.TimGardnerMurals.Blogspot.com

Right now, I don't have much of a portfolio of murals, so I'm trying to create many murals ASAP. I may be painting a really huge cuban SANDWICH on the side of restaurant tomorrow. We'll see. Funny. ...I figure I can try to make it the most realistic and cool-looking cuban around.

Continuing to not paint portraits

I may never do another portrait, I've decided. I'm not sure I enjoy the subject matter. Perhaps I'm feeling constrained. I'd like to paint everything... I like the idea of murals. The scale. The variety. I especially like large outdoor murals. Something about me, psychologically, finds that huge scale appealing.
Here's a photo of Eric Henn. An excellent artist who became a muralist specializing in large-scale outdoor works. This is the size I want to work with:


What does this say about me?

Gallery Update

Yea! I've finally updated my gallery. Go to

http://www.TimothyBrentGardner.BlogSpot.com

...or not...your choice...But, really, I mean, why not? Go ahead and see my gallery...or not... Or you can, yes, you CAN go there and see my gallery of art, oh yes...yes...YES! ...or not... YOUR choice... Nobody's twisting your arm here, you know... No pressure... OK? OK... All is well...